Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Greatest Gift
I have found that at times I look at Austin and cannot believe he is mine. I can't believe he is here, in my life, and mine to raise and nurture. Before Austin, there was no baby crying, baby giggles, or pitter patter of feet coming down the hall way. There were no cracker pieces in my hair or bath time with rubber ducks. The only things on the floors were shoes and clothes now there are books, toys, stuffed animals, and chewing rings. I didn't have to worry about sharp corners or my cleaning supplies. To me this house was empty without Austin. The person I was before Austin was so different. I look back and it feels like an old chapter in a book. I know that regardless what is going on in my life, I just need to look at him and I can't help but smile and my heart fills with overwhelming love for him. Austin will never know how much he means to me. I have learned a lot about myself since his arrival. To see him grow has been an amazing experience for me. I have seen him since he took his first precious breath and now to see him walking and learning it just blows my mind. As a mother I know that I would take any pain from him. I look at him and know that time will fly by and he will get older and his innocents will be gone. He will know about disappointments, failure, greed, and heartbreak. He will know the "bad words". He will know about drugs and alcohol. He will meet new people that will try and influence him into bad decisions. I want to make sure that my husband and I have done all we can to steer him in the right direction. We want to teach him about all the good in this bad world. I want to teach him that being loyal and determined goes further than being dishonest and unreliable.
Austin will never leave on the weekends, I will never have to consult another person about when I can get my child, and there will be no sharing him on the holidays. He is ours and I don't have to feel like we are missing out in school or other activities. We won't struggle with the thought that the time he is away is something that we will never get back. Those feelings come with my step-son and that hurts enough when it comes to Chandler.
Austin will have a big brother to look up to and to learn from. Knowing they will be brothers and grow together makes me very happy.
So for me to be a (step) mother is the greatest gift I have ever received.